by Robb Patrickson

In a surprise announcement, the Burien City Council voted Thursday to use the controversial “eminent domain” procedure to take over an entire section of SW 172nd on Three Tree Point and turn it into an admission-based Nude Beach with a eco-friendly promenade made of recycled materials.

“We’re done dealing with these dang clothed NIMBYs,” said new Planning Commissioner Jerome E. Glick II, himself a nudist and a recent transplant from Slooflir, PA. “And in this economic downturn, we need another tax revenue stream. That’s why we’re turning this beautiful strip of waterfront into the northwest’s first admission-based Nude Beach. Plus, it’s going to be eco-friendly and very green – what’s not to like?”

New Planning Commissioner Jerome E. Glick II.

Plans were presented in a spontaneous, private city council “special session” that took place in an unmarked upstairs room in city hall late last night. A large satellite photo of the area in question on the wall was marked “Area XXX,” and included censored photos of naked, middle-aged men.

“There’s nothing wrong with a Nude Beach,” said Consultant Lorraine Sieverts, a noted local nudist who’s often seen cavorting at Lake Burien with her German cousins. “I’ve been fighting for this for years, and can say without a shadow of a doubt that if God didn’t want us to be naked, we’d all have been born already fully clothed wearing black turtlenecks. Plus, the promenade will be eco-friendly, and a $10 cover charge will help fill the city’s coffers. What’s not to like?”

Reports are that a general contractor has already been hired, and that bulldozers and other heavy equipment will start demolishing beach houses and garages as early as this weekend.

Planning Commissioner Glick compared this new, eco-friendly nude beach concept to a successful one he helped developed in the mid-1990s at Lake Dingle in Slooflir, PA, which generates well over $2.5 million dollars in annual revenues through admission fees and pay-per-view volleyball matches.

Here’s the map of the new Nude Beach, currently called “Area XXX”:

"Area XXX" shows where Burien's new, fee-based Nude Beach will be located on Three Tree Point.

The city plans to hold a naming contest for the beach, and is asking our Readers to submit nominations by leaving Comments below.

[INTERN EDITOR'S NOTE: We certainly hope all our beloved Readers are enjoying today, April 1, 2010, aka "April Fools' Day"!]

Last week, a new lifesize bronze sculpture of a nude female (pictured above) was installed at the Burien Interim Art Space near the new Town Square and Library, and it’s been stirring up some controversy in our Forums:

LYNETTE: I walked through the new Burien town square today and much to my dismay I came across a bronze statue of a completely nude woman. I may appreciate the “art” in the piece but since it is very realistic it is absolutely inappropriate for a public area where all ages of children can view the statue. If that were a live person she would be arrested for public nudity. The tall woman and daughter that are very abstract are not my cup of tea but they are not realistic. If someone chooses to go into a gallery and see nudes that is their choice. Pieces such as this should not be next to a public library and a busy street. I was planning to bring my grandchildren to town for the Strawberry Festival but I will now direct them away from the city center. Public art should be appropriate for ALL the public, including the children. Thank You Lynette Storer

JILL: Yeah, a woman’s nude body is so offensive. Maybe you should lighten up and join the 21st century.

JARED: Then why do we in the 21st century still require you to be 18 to buy a Playboy?

Part of parenting is censonship. (Careful what you show your kids Jill)

CHRISTY: The human body, male or female, is not offensive when display tastefully in the right setting.  In fact, it can actually be very intriguing to the eye.  HOWEVER, when dispalyed for all ages it needs to be in accordance to the demographic of the community.  The library is right next to the art and during the summer most of the foot traffic is going to be children, most of whom are already filled with questions. The accusation of a nude woman is inaccurate. It is not the art itself, but just simply where the art is chosen to be displayed.

Artist Mike Magrath

The sculpture, a very lifelike, detailed sculpture of a squatting, nude woman called “Paradigm Shift,” was created by Seattle artist Mike Magrath, and was originally on display at the UW’s Henry Art Gallery. Magrath installed it at B/ IAS last week, which, despite comments above, is actually a private art space controlled by Curators Dane Johnson and Kathy Justin.

“I have spent the last decade or so focused primarily on the human subject not only because it offers a hugely accessible front door, but because I perceive something implicit in the body that remains inchoate, relevant, and continuously vibrant with potential,” said Magrath in a statement. “I tell students half jokingly that the human form is the composite total of what our forebears found irresistible…For me study of the specific form and attitude of the model is a way of exploring and understanding the deeper structures of the universe.”

“Good art is often controversial,” said Johnson when he stopped by our booth at the Strawberry Festival. “So when we read or hear comments like this, we feel like we’re doing a good job.”

“And if people don’t like seeing naked sculptures, they should just avoid B/ IAS,” added Justin.

6/24/09 UPDATE: KOMO News did a story on the sculpture (thanks guys for subscribing to our RSS Feed), which you can watch here.

So…what do YOU think? Please take our poll and leave Comments below: